31 December 2011

Weihnachtsmarkt. Hamburg.

Whatever you say about Christmas, whether you love the sound of cheesy songs and bells and enjoy shopping, hate it because of pressure of tradition, family, culture and consumerism or treat it as some time in a year fixed for cooking, meeting and giving presents. Here people make Weihnachts markets and have truly fun out of it. Just because they can hang around outside, meet friends, eat something unhealthy and drink some spiced wine. In the meantime spend some money on useless gifts or sweets. I'm not saying it's something great. I just see relaxed people spending time elsewhere than in shopping-malls or in front of TV. I've seen it before in Summer and in Autumn, guess Germans also have their ways to deal with Winter.

By the way, despite amount of wasted electricity and supporting capitalism - that was awesome. I envy German children a bit.

1 December 2011

It's never easy

For the all I truly love. 

"Well, my heart is broken and my spirit too
but this won't be the day that I surrender to the likes of you.
I may be hurt and bleeding,
but I won't lay down and die.
As long as this hearts beating.
I will get up and try again.
And I know I can't be wrong,
'cause we are thousands strong yeah!

Each one of us a feather on it's gol-encrusted tail.
And if we stay together
there is no way that we can fail.
Almost like a phoenix rising.
From the fire, hear it's cry sing out!

With different hearts and different minds
we're breaking barriers.
With different hearts and different minds
we're gonna break down the walls
and whatever stands in our way is gonna fall!

This is the second wave,
a new wind in our sail,
and if we stay together
there is no way that we can fail.
How much longer can you ignore us?
Here we come now,
are you ready for us?


There's nothing that can stop us now,
if we put our hearts to it.


There's nothing that can stop us now,
 if we put or minds to it."

25 November 2011

Rhein < 3 : Düsseldorf, Köln, Mainz ...

As for the one river, too many memories.
One river, 3 days, 3 cities. Nothing could be more special as Köln, where I took a look around Germany for the first time, came back in the meantime to help and share and now I found again one of the closest to my heart autonomous centers and these special friends, which I don't have to see every day. I don't even have to define this relation. I just find this calm, warm, soothing, safe place and so special people.

 One fast trip to Düsseldorf, where again unconditional kindness, hospitality and openness  lets us see the city with both : street full of madly  expensive boutiques and another, full of squatted houses. And the river. We make friends with cats and have one of the best breakfast - talks in history of couch surfing.

Then finally Mainz. City of bikes, students and all those memories, which gives me creeps and makes heart beat so much faster.

Right half of them are not memories. They will never be. They're as real as the too long walk, too warm evening, ridiculously as for Halloween, as visit in a hospital, as working together in one of these places, which exist outside of real world, but still so close. As the support, that have never been more needed. As as coffee/adrenaline/falling in love rush. Falling and staying in love and then falling again, every time deeper, every time more conscious, more helpless, more consent.
And the river. Amazingly calm, cold and eternal.

3 November 2011

He jo, spann den Wagen an. Hessen.

I don't remember when I grew up so big to treat everything as a political act. Or at least as a chance to one. When life went so serious, that I couldn't spend time on just having fun, because all of this activities such as not-political movies, my beloved XIX century literature, parties, riding a bike, walks, seem to be so outrageous waste of time. Since when I can only watch documentaries, read political/ feminist/ queer/ anarchist/ animal rights/ social involved books or zines (the best in English, to train language skills), go to solidarity parties (because on other, since I don't drink nor smoke there's not much to do anyway), ride a bike to certain places as a way of transport, jog for health reasons instead of walking – to feel fair with my time budget. When life became so complicated?
Actually, I DO remember when that happened. And it was not so long ago.
Now, few days ago I had a chance to meet group of young (mostly under 25) people, mostly just having pure, healthy fun and to live with them for over a week.
I almost forgot, that it's nothing unusual to eat meat, that I have to define what „squat” or „left wing movements” are. I was expecting the worst and I discovered that despite everything I'm still willing to learn. I feel like I've learnt one of the most important things in my life: do not underestimate nor waste any experience, anything I meet on my way can be enriching. That seems so obvious, but still I surprise myself.
I learnt even more. Where my social borders lay and how I already trained myself to not force them. And of course as my foreign socialization goes one, comes both progress and trouble.
The wayfarer's cliche reached me so unexpectedly: longing for new places, new languages, new friends, new homes as strong as after all the left behind.
I also don't remember very well, when I turned into a wayfarer …
Between all activities I managed to continue jogging. And after months of trying I found a joy in it. So, despite being in travel, I ran out of town, to the mountains so amazingly beautiful in light and Autumn. No matter how cold the air was, no matter how tired my lungs and legs get.
There is something in running what makes you clear. Not after coming home, stretching and shower, but just at the moment, between the breaths. I finally get to understand it. My friend asked me do I ran to get rid of frustration, too much energy or anger .

I run to be with myself, to forget about the longing.
I run the tears away. 

23 October 2011

Unser Norden

What's better to do on sunny autumn Friday than go to North Sea coast to see Wattenstrand. Almost 150 km and no one checked our tickets.
We came to see water high, corny seaside souvenirs (oh, as everywhere!), and dozens of relaxed tourists in mid 50', quite relaxed children, to lay in the last warm sun, to make friends with scary, giant seagulls, and look for vegan food & drink.
We found both, wrote our postcards and when we came back to the beach early evening, the sea was already gone, far away from the shore. It left us few hundred meters of this so special wet bottom of the sea full of little sea worms I've never seen before. We went to chase the sea up to the line of the water, and we met it running away, still retreating.
Despite wet shoes and cold feet. 

In the Tove Jansson book „Comet in Moominland” at the end, all tired travelers meet on their way empty sea. The tide distracted by comet was so strong, that it took away the sea somewhere, revealing bottom full of old shipwrecks, strange shells and yet not completely dead sea animals. They walked on the bottom for some days in fear and red, terrible light of the approaching comet. I was maybe 10 years old reading it and I was scared.

Today I was just amazed.

26 September 2011

.what the f***k??: how can you not love Berlin.

Another nice trip with a mission. Maybe 10.000 people against Pope's visit is not enough comparing to 70.000 coming to meet him (what was their reasons - I'll never know) but it was definitely worth it. Poor Benedict, he had no idea how insidiously I used his visit to have an excuse to organize my own meeting.
Unfortunately, being in a member of a club of "Always missing someone" I'm never satisfied completely about set of friends around me. Someone is always missing. That means I always miss someone. Thanks to English for that clever indention.
This time it was almost perfect.
Almost, as always.
I don't like that we didn't talk this much we could. I don't like, that I'm not sure, what is still between us and what has changed. I don't like the feeling of growing distance, just when my heart is so ready to get close. I think I'm already too far from you to ask for explanation or understanding. I'm so sorry that perhaps we really lost it.
I don't like when we argue because of things we both didn't care to say, and because we don't care about each other as much as we should. And still sometimes we're to haughty to admit it. I'm worried how things will develop without everyday warmth which I miss so much.
I'm happy for this short time we could be together and discover these beautiful places. I love the energy and the delight we spread between us like a thin thread.
I love that I still  didn't have time to tell you all of those important things, what means, we will have more and more to talk and laugh about next time we meet. Some things you'll never get to know. I love those innocent hugs and touch which  make our hearts close.
I'm happy that we get on so well after so short time. I feel it is just SO beginnig !

I love that I trust you with my life.

14 September 2011

get used to a grey sky.

Finally I'm there. I feel so safe like coming back to a place I left and missed.
Time goes by so fast between talking, cooking, eating, getting to know each other, dumpster diving,  understanding and learning. The language is so beautiful, makes me think about all those poor German boys haunted by tree ghosts in 18th century forests. The more clear it gets, the more charming it sounds. And I talk. I feel like someone else is speaking inside of me, using the words which I didn't understand not so long ago.
And the room! I needed to start my adaptation process with this.
Also riding in black BMW through small towns listening to Kurdish hip-hop loud laughing and joking is not bad for the beginning.

 And the sky is so obviously grey. Just as I was told it will be.